2020 - Learnings from a lunatic year

A crazy year is nearing its end. Last year this time I've started my little challenge of doing #OneScaryThingADay not knowing what 2020 had in the bag for us as a society... Not knowing that this little challenge would not only pull me through the covid19 pandemic but also help me turn my daily life and career upside down. This year started with a meaningless challenge and it ends with developing a meaningful voice in society. So, this year I wanted to share what I would normally curse: Three eureka moments from an exceptional year…

Bildschirmfoto 2020-12-31 um 11.17.19.png

Solitude breeds intimacy.

Indeed, this year didn’t offer a lot of entertainment, but to me, it offered a lot of opportunities to get to know myself. Not only that I got to see and love my natural hair and skin after years of hair bleaching and makeup (which saved me more than 500 Euros this year), I also realized that solitude is key for me to be happy. Yes, right, this means to be alone and more important: to be comfortable with it. Solitude does not equal loneliness. You can feel lonely despite a large network, and you can feel happy despite spending a long time with yourself. However, 2020 was an effective filter for solid relationships, and as far as I did my research, this realization hit many people directly in the face. Lack of intimacy, even though we crave it, can leave a terrible feeling. If your relationships are built on thin ice, if they are superficial and built on external judgment, chances are that you’ve been through a tough and lonely year. If you crave intimacy, be prepared for vulnerability and the responsibility to invest time and effort into listening and asking a million questions to your peers. You don't need a fancy event to do so. All you need is a phone. 2020 only mirrored our poor relational investments.

2021 is here to change those bad habits of ghosting, poor listening, and taking others for granted.

Daring to speak up means to cut ropes.

With my challenge, I gradually dared to speak up more often, but also communicate stronger opinions. While this led to many amazing discussions, new friends, and even job offerings, many people silently disappeared. I may have triggered anger, anxiety, shame, or boredom in them, and that's totally ok, because the purpose of my account is to change something in people's lives, and if it means to cut a rope, it's a and intended change. I moved out of many superficial relations this year, too. I found some of them toxic, unfulfilling, one-sided, or not in alignment with my beliefs. And again, it's totally fine either way. It's important to reflect on who is right for you, and to foster these relationships in an empowering, candid way.

2021 is here to review your inner circle. Relentlessly.

Don't confuse humility with social silence. Look for integrity.

I moved to Sweden because I felt sympathy for a culture that I felt was driven by modesty. However, after 2 years of living and working there, I'm happy to have left "lagom" or "jante" behind and being back in Germany. I still find the ideas attractive and right, but I observed that both concepts are misinterpreted by many. Misinterpret as social silence, conformity, and responsibility diffusion. Misinterpret in a way that drives people into learned helplessness without realizing it, driving them into toxic dependencies in private and governmental relationships as well as anxiety, shame, depression or self-harm. When consensus and neutrality are reached through a so-called "svensk tiger" or blackmailing health-interested inhabitants into existential anxiety... if private data lands in detail and undeletable on Google... if Social Media activities are noted in official health journals...if gaslighting is good tone...if young girls do face surgery to reflect the latest "lagom" aesthetic, and if a whole people act in arrogance against global rules and recommendations... THEN this has nothing to do with Lagom or Jante anymore. Watch out for integrity, and evaluate your relationships based on actions, not on words. I took a hard decision and sacrificed a dream to protect my health and sanity. It meant to do the next move even though the outcome was uncertain and risky. I didn't want to live in a culture that made me feel like living in DDR, secretly watching German Virologist Christian Drosten like it would be "Western TV", while Swedish virologists who dared to speak up were prisoned, displaced, or fired from their jobs. I know many people in my network are in the same position and I'm writing this because I want to encourage you, provide resources to you and show you that such a step often seems scarier than it actually is.

2021 is here to be brave and step out of illusionary traps.